19 Aug Who is that Behind the Curtain?
For those of us interested in Family of Origin Therapy, it is important to keep in mind who is pushing the buttons behind the curtain. Is it the memories and learning, often erroneous learning, from when we were young? Are we accepting old beliefs that influence our present day decision making? This is what is often referred to as our “inner child,” and if our inner child is behind the curtain, then we might just need to do some digging. Afterall, can we rely on beliefs and perceptions formed as a child that we have carried through to this day, or is it time to release them so we can move forward with new and more accurate information about our world?
Examples of our faulty beliefs can include many things, such as
- I’m not very lovable
- People are bound to abandon me
- I just don’t measure up
- I can’t trust anyone
Beliefs we develop early in life often remain with us, and they are often inaccurate or confused in some way. These beliefs are often the result of the way adults have responded to their world, and thus affected how we “learned” about ourselves, our expectations and perspectives. It is a lot like unlocking a Rubric’s Cube: we need to work through the factors in our early life to get ourselves straightened out. Whether it was peers in school, parental trauma or events like divorces, passing of loved ones and the like, our sense of attachment to these people and events influence us beyond what lies at the surface.
So, our “Inner Child” who watched so many interactions growing up, and lived the effects and implications of them, is not so little anymore. But, still these messages from the past show themselves through the actions we take, how we respond and what we are willing to believe about ourselves and the world around us. What is a marriage? How do sisters and brothers treat each other? What am I capable of? These are just a few examples of what we carry with us to this day. Critical to explore, however, is “how well do these messages serve me today?”