15 Jul Try Sending “I” Messages…

Posted at 21:09h in News & Updates, Uncategorized by
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Continuing with our last few “nudges” on communication, here are a few techniques that can help de-escalate things quickly, while also getting your point across so it can be heard.

USE “I” AND NOT “YOU’

Examples:

  • My intention is to…. Understand, help, be loving, problem solve…. (This bypasses the other persons “filter” about what they think you are about to say and what your intention might be).
  • When I’m….
  • When I….
  • What comes up for me is….
  • This is about me….
  • I think that I….
  • I feel that I….
  • My concern is….

STEP 1.  REFER TO THE BEHAVIOR NOT THE PERSON:

 Examples

  • When I’m yelled/screamed at I….
  • When I’m sworn at I….
  • When my needs are not taken into account I….
  • When the same things keep happening I ….
  • When I am not being listened to, I….

STEP 2.  STATE HOW THE BEHAVIOR AFFECTS YOU

Say how you feel when the behavior happens..

Examples:

  • I get anxious when….
  • I feel taken for granted when….
  • I am worried that something bad will happen if….
  • I am concerned that….
  • I get scared when….
  • I feel frustrated when….
  • I feel hurt when….
  • I feel tired when….