01 Aug Are You Really There?

Being Emotionally Available

Probably the largest factor in ensuring success in relationships is being emotionally available.  When someone is emotionally available, they are open and communicative, intimate and in-depth regarding interactions.  So then why do so many people prefer to be emotionally unavailable?  Self protection is one of the most common factors, and it allows people to feel they are maintaining a safe distance.  These distances provide some folks with a sense that they are safe from situations and interactions they believe are frightening, troublesome, burdensome or just plain scary.  We encourage people to carefully consider if their “protection” scheme is really leading to a desired result.

What does emotional availability look like?

• Sharing your own feelings with others as well as being willing to explore your own feelings to build understanding is essential to relational health.  Relating to others in this way is what is at the root of authenticity, and as we become more authentic in our relationships, we become more self aware and self positive.  Often family of origin issues give rise to being emotionally unavailable.
• You are responsive to the feelings of others, and this includes listening closely and expressing empathy.  Relationships grow sturdier in this way.  Many of us go through day by day without regard to our own emotional life, and this makes it very difficult to be fully present and recognize and appreciate what is happening for those around us. 
• You are consistently attentive to the emotional realities of those around you, and especially your loved ones.  In this way others know and understand that you are “real” in your relationship, caring and genuinely the kind of person they value.  This pays dividends when you are expressing your feelings to others, especially when you need a little extra care.
• You express intimacy and affection freely, and you are comfortable doing so.  It is clear to others you are comfortable and trusting with your vulnerability.
• And finally, you are respectful of other’s place on the vulnerability continuum.  You are curious about others, but you have a sense of when to back off and not press too much when you sense discomfort.  Afterall, we are all at a different level of emotional availability.  So, we regulate our emotions effectively.  We are cautious about being critical, judging or angry to control the behaviors of others. 

Does this resonate with you?  If you’d like to chat about it, you know where we are.