03 Sep My Top Ten things to Look for in a Therapist
What should I be looking for in a Therapist?
Over many years I’ve talked thousands and thousands of individuals seeking psychotherapy, and what I’ve found is that most have very different ideas about what makes a truly high quality therapist. Let me provide a little context for anyone’s search. Afterall, a little criteria is very important to guide our choices as we search
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Criteria for Finding a Quality Therapist:
-Genuinely loving the work of helping others. Someone once said that if you love, truly love what you do, then you never work a day in your life. And while loving what you do in and of itself is not enough to make you good at it, it is force that makes it more likely that you will be truly and deeply committed to your work. Enthusiasm and careful assessment of emotionally charged situations benefit greatly from it being born of love of the work.
-Being able to Really Listen to Understand. Listening carefully is important, but it is not enough. Listening to Understand is what is critical. For example, we can listen and recount what was said – that is just a function of memory. However, applying oneself to interpret, confirm and verify what is being said, and its ultimate message, is much more critical to effective work..
-A powerful and accurate skill set in Observation. A therapist must be capable of noting patterns of comfort, discomfort, confusion, pain and other emotions linked with specific issues a client presents. This is an essential skill that informs how someone’s communication is masking feelings that they may not even be aware of. It can also offer clues as to where conflict lies.
-A personable and “Relational” approach to Talking and Communicating. We are human beings – feeling and thinking across numerous contexts. We need to know that we are expressing ourselves in a comfortable, caring and meaningful environment. A quality therapist must have a genuine “way” about themselves that promotes such relationships.
-Authenticity without fear. A therapist must be able to say clearly when they “don’t know” something. Being willing and able to honestly interact without fear of condemnation is paramount. Authenticity also means having strong values and practicing them daily. The authentic therapist is also aware of their own self and their own struggles, moods and conflicts. An authentic therapist can listen carefully to a point of view they might disagree with.
-Reliability and Consistency. This is when a therapist can be truly available on a regular basis and can provide service without subjecting the client to frequently changing schedules based on the therapist’s own needs and circumstances. This means the client relationship is served with as little disruption as possible.
-A deep commitment, and ongoing practice, of advancing one’s Training, Skills and Knowledge. It is not uncommon for some therapists to feel they have accomplished all they require to do the job after they receive their licenses. It is essential that interested parties ask potential therapists about their training and learning practices. Do they proactively seek out new ideas, theories, skills that are over and above those minimal continuing education credits associated with licensure?
– Has a Profound Belief in the Goodness and Capability of People. Is your therapist personally balanced? Does this person genuinely believe in others? This is a critical element, and without it the client might have to fight an uphill battle to feel they are truly respected and unjudged. A healthy outlook about others is essential if they are to feel uplifted in the therapeutic process.
-Is Ethical and Well Versed in Respect for Boundaries. You want a therapist who fully understands the nature and importance of boundaries. These are the demarcation points between what is appropriate and inappropriate in the client-therapist relationship. Crossing boundaries to gain trust or build the relationship often leads to confusion for both client and therapist. Maintaining this ethical standard is important if quality work is to be done.
-Seeks their own Emotional & Personal Growth, Development and Support. Is the therapist sincerely pursuing their own growth, understanding and development? Without this commitment a therapist cannot adequately maintain a true perspective on what clients undergo on a daily basis as they seek their own emotional growth.
These qualities are each very difficult to possess and it would be fairly uncommon to find a therapist who has most if not all of these qualities. When seeking a therapist, think about each of these qualities and how your initial interactions hold clues for your decision-making. Do you feel a genuine warmth and understanding of what you might be up against? How is that feeling backed up with specifics? Can you cite certain comments or questions that were posed to you that reflect a genuine understanding occurred?