The No-Win, No-Win, SandTrap.
Whomever your partner is, this person is in fact just that: your “partner.” This means someone who is “in it” with you come hell or high water. In the end, you are the only ones who can always be counted upon to throw a life-line to each other when it comes down to it. So when having an argument remember these key points:
1. Your partner is your ally
2. Your partner is your “go to” whenever you need to “go to”
3. Trying to “win” an argument or discussion point simply makes you a competitor, not a collaborator.
4. When one partner “wins,” the other becomes a “loser”
These strategies WILL improve how you work it all out:
“Ease the Steam” The issue is probably not immediate, but more likely somewhere out in the future, so chill a bit. Slow it all down and resume discussion a little bit down the road. Maybe plan when you’ll follow up. Then revisit.
“Channel your inner Columbo” The disheveled television detective never tried to make his point or win an argument. Instead, when dealing with a difficult issue, he became “Mr. Curious” regarding people’s mindsets. Asking questions to understand why a person thinks and feels the way they do freed him up to “learn” and collect meaningful information. When in a disagreement, ASK sincerely about your partner’s reasoning.
“Be a Collaborator” Create new and different options and perspectives. Most “all or nothing” approaches means somebody loses and feels badly about the exchange. Your creativity may lead you each to understand there are more possibilities than “I win” or “you win.”
“Challenge Yourself” Asking yourself about what kind of husband, wife, mother, employee or friend you would like to be is the first step. Then ask yourself, What am I willing to do right now, right here, to change from my standard practice? This can become your positive trigger to help you take a healthier attitude.